What Once Was Lost
by Lady Ardana
Summary: A druid preistess, unwillingly turned into a vampire, tries to deal with her new life. How can one doomed to darkness use a power fueled by light?
1. Meditation in the Dark

**Ch. 1 – Meditation on the Dark**

"At it again? That won't bring you any peace now." Davina opened her eyes and looked at Connor. He stood over her as she sat cross-legged on the floor. Every day she meditated, or tried to at least.

"And how would you know? From what I've heard you knew little of peace before you died and nothing of it afterwards.'

Connor squatted beside her. "I know that if you continue to deny that you've changed, you'll do yourself harm." He locked his brown eyes with her green. The intensity of his gaze weighed upon her like a hand. "The only thing this accomplishes is proving to yourself that you are no longer the same. That it cannot be as it was."

"I have to believe that some aspect of my life is the same." Davina looked ahead again, resettling her hands on her knees. "I cannot think otherwise."

It had been two months since she had become a vampire. She'd been captured and changed by a group of rogue vampires. After the police had finished with them Davina had already been dead two nights. The local Master of the City had taken responsibility for her. He felt guilty for her being attacked in his territory. So Connor, his second, had taken it upon himself to help her accept her situation.

Here she was, a vampire. She hated vampires. But now Davina, druid priestess, was a vampire. And even things she took for granted, like meditating, were beyond her reach.

Connor took her chin in his hand and turned her head to face him, "Do not travel that path Davina. You'll drive yourself mad." He smiled. "Is it so bad to be one of us?"

"Everything I've worked for, everything I am, is based on a power at total odds with what I have become." A single tear rolled down her cheek. "I don't even know who I am." More tears came, and as she began to weep, Connor's arms slipped protectively around her. He held her in his embrace as she wept for the life that she could never have again


	2. The World Was Darkness

**Ch. 2 – The World Was Darkness**

The world was darkness. 'How can there be no light? What time is it?' Davina sat up, but only made it a few inches when her head hit something solid. Cursing under her breath, Davina put out a hand and found a wall about six inches from her face. And to either side. A box, no, a coffin! She was in a coffin! Her breathing sped to short gasps she pushed on the lid, but it wouldn't move. Davina didn't know how or why she had gotten there, but she knew she had to get out. Anywhere, as long as it wasn't here. She began to pound on the lid her panic rising with breath. She shouted for help, her heart pounding in her chest. Her screams turned ragged as she struggled to free herself. It seemed an eternity before a handsome man with brown hair raised the lid of the coffin with a look of concern on his face.

Davina scrambled out of the coffin, and would have fallen if it weren't for the man. He held her in his arms and helped her slow her breathing with gentle words. The familiar rhythm of his voice calmed Davina, helped her remember where she was, and what.

Her voice shook when she finally spoke. "I'm alright now Connor."

"Like hell you are." Davina looked away, but he turned her back to face him. "Why didn't you tell me you were Closterphobic?"

Davina found the soft accent of his voice soothing. For some reason she could not explain she had always felt safe with him. "I…didn't realize what it would mean. I don't even know how I got there." She looked a question at Connor.

He sighed. "I put you there. It was very near dawn, which is probably why you don't remember. I came down to check on you after I woke, heard screaming." Worry lines creased his forehead. "Come," He stood in one fluid movement, and brought her to her feet. "Let us get you feed before something else goes wrong."

She let him lead the way, consumed in her own thoughts. Of all of the aspects of being a vampire, especially a newly dead one, feeding was the part she had the hardest time with. In her mind it seemed to embody all of the darkness of her new life.

Davina was a druid, a priestess touched of the fey. Or at least she had been before a now dead rogue vampire had made her one of them. At first she did not realize how the change would effect her power. When your power comes from life, light, and nature, how can one condemned to darkness and death hope to command it? Even the peace of meditation had been denied her. All her life she had used her abilities to preserve life upon which she was now forced to feed. It didn't really matter that the donor was willing, it still bothered her. But one must live, mustn't one?


	3. On Feet Made Of Aire

**Ch. 3 – One Feet made of Aire**

"No no, with the beat. You can't just flounce around; you have to at least keep time properly." Connor laughingly chided as he guided Davina through the steps of a waltz. "Come on, concentrate. One two three, one two three, one two and a twrily twirly twir..." He cut of abruptly as the last spin ended with the two vampires in a heap on the floor.

Davina groaned as she extracted herself from Connor's laughing form. "I don't see what's so funny. I mean, it's not like this is the first time I've landed us on the floor today."

He chuckled as he stood, dusting himself off. "If I'd known teaching a druid to dance was going to be this hard, I would have taken Seamus up on that bet." His accented voice held a humor that Davina couldn't help but smile at.

There was something about his voice that meant safety to her. Nothing mystical or magical, just a soft Irish accent that wrapped her in a warm blanket of comfort. She placed a hand on his chest and smiled into his brown eyes. "A bet, huh?"

"Yeah, he said something about me not being able to dance my way out of a box, so how could I possibly teach our lovely Davina to dance." Connor caressed the hand that lay on his chest.

"I don't see why Hans insisted that I learn to dance. It's not like I'm powerful or important to his power base." She looked away. "Honestly, who would notice if I didn't dance?"

Connor laid a gentle hand on her face, turning her to meet his eyes. "More people then you would think. This ball will be attended by the Master every major city on the west coast, and more then a few of them will be curious about you. The manner in which you were turned and the power you held has made them wonder about you. Hans, as Master of Seattle, must show them that you are well and fitting into the Kiss or he will appear weak. And don't ever say that you aren't important." His lips brushed tenderly across hers. "And now," Connor said as he took her hand and guided her around the dance floor. "We dance!"


	4. Why darken what deep within me ever

Ch. 4 – Why darken what deep within me ever flitters?

_An endless field of darkness surrounded Davina. Darkness, in every direction as far as the eye could see. There were no features or landmarks to break up the darkness. She began to run. Towards what, she didn't know. She didn't care, as long as it saved her from this formless black._

_Then, far in the distance she saw a faint light. She increased her speed, but didn't seem to draw any closer. She ran for what seemed like and eternity. Finally her strength gave out and she fell to the ground, crying out in despair. Tendrils of blackness reached out for her, their oily fingers brushing her soul. Davina struggled to free herself from their grasp, but the more she fought to free herself the more entangled she became. The darkness spread over her, choking the life from her. She screamed in terror._

_Suddenly she was bathed in light, surrounded in a blanket of warmth. The darkness gave way, hissing, before the light. The light formed a shield through which the darkness could not pass, but it was still there. Waiting._

Davina bolted straight up in bed shaking and soaked in sweat. A hand descended on her shoulder and she jerked away with a gasp.

"Shh, easy now." Connor soothed as he sat down beside her. Davina sighed in relief, leaning against his shoulder. He wrapped a protective arm around her, try to chase away that last vestiges of her nightmare. "The dreams again?"

Davina nodded into his shoulder. She'd been having the same dream every few days for weeks now. It was absurd really, vampires weren't even supposed to dream. They were dead one moment and awake the next. But a few weeks ago Connor had found her after sunset, alive, but trapped within a nightmare. It was unheard of. She just had to be the special one didn't she? She was the closterphobic ex-druid who had terrifying and impossible nightmares. Sometimes being special sucked.

The closterphobia was easily handled, she just spent the day in a bed instead of a coffin. Besides it gave her a legitimate excuse to have Connor in her room, not that she really needed one. She breathed in his familiar scent wrapping it around her like a warm blanket. _Blanket of warmth._ The light. Always before in her dream the darkness had consumed her, but the light stayed far in the distance. Unattainable. But not this time. This time the light had saved her from the darkness. What did it mean?


End file.
